At Least Someone is Reading This

I check my Sitemeter stats frequently to see how many people are reading the crap that I write (nobody). I also check who referred visitors here, so I can get an idea of who is linking to me (nobody). But these referral logs have revealed something I didn't think about when I first named my blog: a lot of people, not all of them Germans, do web searches for the word "peeing". In particular, the other day someone stumbled on to my site after searching for "peeing children". Needless to say, that person left disappointed. Some other disturbing searches that have brought people here in the past few weeks include "peeing in the pool", "peeing rapers", “little child peeing stories “, “shit sperm peeing”, “fuck pool”, “preteen models fuck”, and "comaphilia".

From this, I have come up with some valuable advice:

1) If you are coming here looking for peeing, people who enjoy recreational peeing, pictures of people peeing, or in general anything related to peeing as a hobby, you are looking at the wrong site. Try mySpace.

2) If you are creating a new blog, think carefully about what you are going to name it. You may inadvertently attract the wrong sort of people – assuming that you aren’t creating a site for necrophiliacs and other assorted perverts. For example: “Hot Steaming Loads” would be a bad name for a blog about your laundry, and “Rusty Trombones” is not an ideal name for your musical instrument restoration site.

3) Don’t post an article listing all the disturbing search terms that people have used to find your site. That will only encourage them.

4) Never write a post listing hilarious sexual fetishes.

5) For the love of God, never, ever list random perverted phases at the bottom of your blog posts, unless you wish to attract the kind of sick freaks that would search for them.

“golden shower”
"donkey punch”
“blumpkin”

Motherfucking Bear on a Motherfucking Trampoline

Unfortunately I am still alive, I've just been way too lazy/drunk/depressed to blog lately. Today is no exception, but I just had to post this because it is SO FUCKING AWESOME:

Lessons in Ruthlessness, Part 2: Spoiling the Grandkids

As with our last Lesson, today’s Ruthlessness is brought to you by two old people, this time in Florida. The couple (their names have not been disclosed) offered $100 for the murder of their son’s wife, along with her three children and the family dog. The reason, according to the cops, is that the couple’s son is in the clink for “sexual battery on a child, lewd and lascivious molestation and showing obscene material to a minor”. The kids were the victims of this fine young man’s alleged crimes, and I’d bet that the dog was probably involved in some way, too. Is it just me, or does the “showing obscene material to a minor” thing sound a bit bland compared to raping your own 10-year-old daughter? Anyway, grandma and grandpa apparently tried to have the kids killed to prevent them from testifying against their perverted father. Nice. It seems that being a sociopath is genetic after all.

What I find most shocking about this is that this crazy couple actually thought they could get 4 people whacked for $25 a pop, or just $20 if you count the dog. That might have worked back in the Depression, Pops, but $25 doesn’t buy as many apples today as it did back then. If I could get anyone greased for $25, there’d be a whole lot of corpses out there. Did these two really not get suspicious when the guy they were talking to agreed to such low prices? So remember, if you want to have your grandchildren killed, be prepared to pay top dollar. This isn't one of those jobs you can give to a Mexican that you picked up at Home Depot.